Styles of Effective Listening

Empathetic/Objective Listening

“The Whale”

In this episode, the women of the office teach Dwight Schrute how to properly interact with women. They teach him to use the different styles of effective listening so he can close a deal with a potential female client.

Here we have a practice conversation between Dwight and Erin, who pretends to be the client he is meeting with.

Look at how Dwight naturally speaks with Erin:

Do you notice something about how Dwight converses? He never listens! He is always interrupting whoever he is speaking to. “I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I’m finished, it’s over.”

Now if Dwight wants to make a successful sale with his client, he needs to learn how to listen. The ladies try to teach him empathic and objective listening. Watch the clip below and see how he does it:

Phyllis: So, uh, show us how you’d normally sell to a female client.

Dwight: Okay. With pleasure. Get ready to learn a few new tricks, old dog.

Pam: You’ve got this Schrute.

Phyllis: Okay, you just walked into her office and begin.

Dwight: Hello.

Erin: Hello.

Dwight: May I please speak to your boss?

Phyllis: No, she is the boss.

Erin: I am? Hmm.. [deep voice] Hi, I’m Mr. Hannon. How can I help you?

Dwight: Okay, this isn’t working for me, ‘cause no one would ever believe that she would be a boss.

Erin: He’s absolutely right. I’m really struggling.

Pam: Oh, I’ll be the buyer.

Dwight: [sighing]

Pam: Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat.

Dwight: I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes

Phyllis: No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs.

Dwight: I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I’m finished, it’s over.

Pam: Okay, let’s stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?

Dwight: I thought it went great.

Pam: Okay, when you’re selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now?

Dwight: Yes.

Pam: Okay, well you have to show us.

Dwight: That’s impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don’t vibrate at all.

Pam: Huh. [nodding] Uh huh.

Dwight: What are you doing?

Pam: A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it?

Dwight: Kind of.

Pam: Nellie, why don’t you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you’re listening.

Nellie: Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I’ve commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to hit. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way.

Erin: It’s just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person.

Dwight: I am a person.

Erin: Yes.

Nellie: And then we thought we’d … I can’t. I just can’t carry on with that face. Look at it. I’m gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he’s laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh.

Dwight: That’s a bit extreme.

Nellie: No, I’m sorry but that is true.

Meredith: He’s screwed. They’re meeting in less than an hour.

Phyllis: Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It’s all garbage okay? You’re the woman, I’m the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn.

Dwight: Okay, I’m a woman. [high voice] I’m a woman. Good?

Phyllis: Ms. Thomas, so good to see you.

Dwight: Hello.

Phyllis: Oh, are those your kids? They’re so cute! They could be models.

Dwight: Thank you. I’m so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina.

Meredith: Booo! Weird.

Nellie: No.

Phyllis: Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It’s hopeless.

Let’s do a rundown of the things one must do to engage in empathic and objective listening and see if Dwight followed any of it:

1. Did he view the message from the speaker’s perspective? No. In fact, he was too busy with appearing like he was listening when he actually was not.

2. Did he engage in equal, two-way conversation? No. He never asked any questions or his opinion on the subject. It didn’t seem like he was genuinely interested.